


I'll Tattoo Your Heart On My Scars

by Whis



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tattoos, complementary tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22894510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whis/pseuds/Whis
Summary: Buck and Eddie get new tattoos. You can't understand one ink without the other and it turns out it's the best metaphor for Buck & Eddie
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 344





	I'll Tattoo Your Heart On My Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @phreakycat in the discord channel for creating this prompt.  
> Thanks to my Beta @meloingly  
> This is for them

The heart is misshaped, in fact, it looks more like a square than a heart, and it has been colored out the line with the sloppy strokes that only a kid can achieve. And yet, Buck loves it, it has become his new favorite part of his body. 

He loves the way that the red and the black counter his pale skin and highlights the importance of the ink. It reminds him of how much he loves the artist and the meaning behind the draw.

His first Father’s Day gift, and even though the kid is not really his son, he feels like it.

He looks at the original work, it’s on his fridge, central and proud. Sometimes Buck thinks it shines like a light in the middle of his too dark kitchen

The heart is in the middle top, bel\low it, there is a childish portrait of Eddie and Buck, with Christopher in the middle, holding hands with the two adults. Underneath, Christopher wrote their names and above everything the title, ‘My Family’.

Buck looks at his new tattoo, it’s on his arm, to cover the ugly scar he earned during the tsunami, can’t even remember how. It reminds him that he survived, and Christopher did too, they both were alive, and together, and the kid still loves him despite losing him during the tsunami and abandoning him during the lawsuit. He doesn’t deserve his love, but he has it nevertheless, and he wants to remember that, even when in the future he fucks it up again and Christopher stops drawing for him and Eddie closes the door to his house forever.

He takes care of the tattoo, cleans it up and puts the ointment on. It’s still a little bit puffy and tender, but nothing out the ordinary. He knows he should cover it up for the job until it is properly healed, but he wants it to be seen, so he decides he will cover it up when he gets to the station, and he resigns himself to wear long sleeves for the next week.

Eddie is the only one in the locker room when Buck gets there. They are the first ones, and even though it’s routine in Buck’s case, it’s very weird for Eddie to be there so soon. Buck wasn’t counting on having to change in front of Eddie, he never is. It’s not like he is shy, he is pretty confident about his body, it’s probably the only thing that he is confident about, but it’s always weird and uncomfortable to get naked in front of the man you are secretly in love, especially if you have tattoed a drawing that his son made for you. 

They avoid looking at each other the same way they’ve been avoiding the big elephant in the room for months. 

They’ve been in some kind of purgatory for a while, none of them ready to make something about this thing between them, but neither ready to move on and start something with somebody else. Sure, they’ve dated, or mostly, they’ve fucked somebody else just to get back to the domestic bubble they have built, for them and Chris.

Buck puts his pants on and gets ready to cover his tattoo. It’s not the first time he has to do this, but it’s always a little bit weird, essentially because when people see the bandages they usually assume the worst. Buck isn’t expecting less from Eddie and he is not disappointed.

Eddie is there in less than a second, nervous and overprotective like he acts sometimes when it comes to Buck.

“Buck, what the hell happened? Did you get hurt?”

The blonde presses his lips and denies it with a shake of his head. This is the moment when everything gets weird, and he hates that it has to happen here, in their job, in their locker room, while Buck is still shirtless and Eddie is looking at him earnest and full of sympathy as if he still cared.

Well, that is unfair, Buck knows he cares, he always does, it’s just that Eddie can go from  _ overprotective  _ to  _ suck it up and leave me alone _ from one day to another, just like the rest of the team and Buck is trying to stop relying on all of them too much. Eddie in overprotective mode doesn’t help at all.

“It’s nothing, I got a new tattoo”

“Oh… That… Is that a good idea with the blood thinners?”

Buck directs a piercing look at Eddie wondering if his friend has lost his mind completely. Or well, does he really think Buck is that stupid and immature? He shakes his head and tries to ignore how much it stinks, getting back to work in covering the tattoo. There is a silence that settles around them, it weights like a flagstone in the middle of the empty space between them

“I got a tattoo too, this weekend,” Eddie says, and Buck knows his friend is trying to change the topic, perhaps, apologize without using the words, as he usually does- He doesn‘t want to give into it, as he normally does, but a quick look at his arm reminds him of how important the man is for him, even if his friend isn’t perfect and someday they’ll have to talk about all their lingeries issues, but perhaps this is not the day

“Oh really? What did you get?”

There is a silence that lasts longer than it should have, and Buck is not entirely sure why they are being weird and uncomfortable, how is that neither of them seems to have the perfect words for each other as they often do. 

“Do you remember that drawing by Chris that he got me for Father Day?” Eddie breaks the silence with the question and Buck...

Buck laughs. It’s nervous and hysterical, because, what else could he do? Christopher made two paintings, one for Eddie and another one for Buck, but they were essentially the same. Eddie and Buck, with Chris in the middle holding their hands, a heart and a caption. In Buck’s drawing the heart was on top and it was big and red, whereas in Eddie’s drawing, the heart was below and it was pink. Also, Eddie’s painting has a message ‘love you’ whereas Buck’s one has the caption ‘my Family`.

Buck decided to ink the heart because he didn’t think he has the right to put Eddie and Chris on his skin, doesn’t matter how much he wants to do so, however, every time he looks at the heart, he can see Eddie and Christopher there, like two ghosts on his skin.

Eddie is looking at him with that look he gets when he is trying to mask how mad he is. He isn’t as good as he thinks he is, but when he starts clenching his jaw Buck knows he needs to calm him down if he doesn’t want things blowing out.

Still laughing, Buck takes out the bandages and shows Eddie his tattoo. His face is comic until it’s not and Buck can feel how the air changes around them, it weights again him, making it hard to breathe. Suddenly, he is aware of how close they are, he is still shirtless and Eddie is looking at him with those eyes full of promises he never follows through, and not for the first time, Buck wonders if this will be the day they both decide to follow up with those promises.

“You got a tattoo of my son’s painting…” Eddie’s voice is wrecked and broken, and Buck doesn’t know too well what to do with it, “Why?” the brunette asks.

Buck tears his eyes from Eddie’s face and looks into the ground, hoping against all hope it opens and swallows him whole. How can he explain why he did it if he doesn’t know? How can he explain the way that it makes him feel the fact that Christopher made him a painting for Father’s Day as if he was his father too and not just his father’s friend? And what about the fact that he put the words “My Family” with big, colorful letters in a drawing with Eddie and Christopher like he was part of the Diaz’s as if he had some claiming rights over them? How does he tell Eddie that it breaks his heart the fact that he couldn’t put him and Christopher there too, at each side of that heart because they are everything that this tattoo, his skin, and his life are missing?

He doesn’t have to, because Eddie kisses him.

It’s fierce, needy and possessive, it says ‘I get it” and ‘Me too’ and everything that Buck needs to hear. Eddie doesn’t use words to send his messages and it allows his mouth, his tongue, teeth, and saliva to tell the story.

Buck can’t get enough of it, of Eddie, his skin and his smell, he can’t think. Everything is Eddie, his mouth and his hands.

_ For how long  _ asks that stupid voice in his head that is always so keen on reminding Buck that he doesn’t get nice things.

Stoping kissing Eddie is one of the hardest things he has ever done, but he knows he has to, he needs to know…

Buck pulls back looking around, hoping nobody has seen them and asks

“Why did you do that?”

Eddie looks at him, clearly confused and a little bit annoyed, he was enjoying himself

“What do you mean Buck, I think it’s pretty clear”

“No, Eddie, it’s not, you can’t keep…” Buck takes a deep breath trying to gather his thoughts so he can find a way to put everything into words in a peaceful way, but it’s hard and he’s afraid Eddie will get impatient, annoyed. His nervousness arises and he can’t help himself, everything that has been in his mind for the last few months and didn’t want to share, pours out his mouth “You can’t keep playing with me okay… One day you’re all worried about me and you tell me you have my back and next day you tell me I have to suck it up and man up like everybody else, one day you freak out because I get a tattoo and the next you…”

“What, no, fuck no!” Eddie cuts him off looking at him incredulously, as if what Buck was saying made no sense at all, and the fact is that Buck is well aware that perhaps it doesn’t make sense, but it's already too late, the words are out and Eddie looks destroyed "god Buck, that has never… I never wanted" 

"Yeah, I know, forget it, I don't know why I said that, it’s stupid, really”

Buck tries to busy himself with tidying up the bandage and supplies he was using to cover up the tattoo, hoping that Eddie takes the chance to change the topic, although deep inside him, Buck wants Eddie to answer the question, needs him to do so before they go further in their relationship.

It takes Eddie one minute or an eternity to talk, and when he does, Buck is forced to stop what he is doing because Eddie is grabbing his hands and forcing him to look into his eyes

“Is it?”

Buck is confused, this is not how he planned his morning, and even though he is an expert in going against plans and obvious paths, and he has always known how to react to the unexpected, this time he’s just lost, unable to answer a question he really doesn’t understand, incapable of doing anything else other than look at Eddie, feeling hopeless and inadequate.

Eddie clears his throat and starts talking as if he was giving the most important speech in the world. Little he knew that it was, indeed, the most important speech in Eddie’s life.

“I don’t think it’s stupid at all Buck, and it breaks my heart that you don’t know that… And it’s my fault”

“Eddie…”

“Please, let me say this, I need to say this… I sorry Buck. I’m sorry I let you take all the responsibility, just so I didn’t have to say this… I’m sorry, I fucked up Buck, and if you think that I don’t care about you or that I would play with your feelings, then I fucked up even more than I thought…”

“It’s not your fault”

“But it is… I was furious because I missed you and I couldn’t understand why I missed you so much, no, scratch that, I was afraid of how much I missed you, and it got mixed with Shannon and Christopher’s nightmares, and I reacted in the worst possible way. I told you to suck it up and man up but I didn’t exactly lead by example, and you know what, nobody should do that, it’s bullshit, it’s the bullshit that my dad taught me and gave me so many issues, and I want better for you… I shouldn’t have said that. What I should have said is that I missed you, that you are an integral part of my life and I hate it when you aren’t in it. I got this tattoo with Chris and I and every time I look at it, I feel like there is a piece missing… You are that piece Buck because my family isn’t complete anymore if you aren’t there”

Eddie ends his speech with a hopeful look and a shy smile, everything in him is yelling at Buck to tell him he feels the same, that he has the exact same feeling when he looks at his tattoo. But then Chim is there, with the worst timing in the world and a smug smirk

The job and life got in the way, but it gave Buck a much-needed respite. 

He was pretty sure the whole team could feel the charged air between Buck and Eddie, not because the unsolved tension got in the way, but they were uncomfortable and nervous and everybody could feel it.

Buck couldn’t shake off the buzzing, underlying electricity under his skin, he has never been the most patient human being, always a man of action, and yet, by the time they rolled out into the locker room, ready to end another exhausting day, he still didn’t know what to do.

Eddie was waiting for him at his jeep, with that soft, shy smile that Buck is starting to think it’s only for him.

Buck doesn’t speak, he lacks the words to express how much he loves this man, and his son, how much he needs him in his life. The truth is that everything that Eddie said mirrors his feelings, he just doesn’t know how to express them in any other way that doesn’t involve his mouth and his hands. 

He melts into the kiss, pours all his feelings, the good, the bad and the worst and hopes Eddie catches the message

_ I love you, I need you, I want you _


End file.
